AMBUSHED BY RELIGIOUS WACKOS!

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So, the other day, I was at my computer writing another column for my blog when the door bell rings. I figured it was the UPS guy delivering a package to one of my neighbors, since he usually comes about this time. My other thought was, it might be the landlord. Nope. Religious wackos. They were the freshly dressed, smiling and cute Jehovah Witness girls from the little compound down the street in Brooklyn Heights. Their world headquarters, called the WATCHTOWER, is there.



"The economy isn't doing so well," one young lady explained. Like a depressing Laurel and Hardy routine, the other young woman continues," sometimes we feel isolated, frustrated, angry and even depressed." I'm thinking, yeah, okay. "How do you deal with this," they wondered. Okay, I knew where this was going. I could tell by the little pamphlets they were holding and the tidy little outfits and cute smiles that these two were Jesus freaks. So, I tried a little reverse psychology.



"I turn to God," I said. They both looked at each other, smiled and said, "that's good." This obviously didn't send them away. Now, they wanted to engage me in an impromptu Bible study, reading select passages from the Holy book in hopes of jolting me out of my economic doldrums. I didn't bite. Instead, I suggested, "why don't you join MY Bible study later today." They were confused. I continued.
"Yeah me and my friends try to make reading and understanding the Bible fun," I told them. It's Bible trivial pursuit. They looked intrigued. I continued, "what we do is, for every bible question you answer incorrectly, you have to chug a beer and follow it up with a shot of Jack Daniels." Now, they appear agitated and just want to run away. But, I persist. "You two would be great at it, " I said "and you already know the Bible, so you probably wouldn't lose and would never need to chug a beer."



After my little rant, they both looked at each other, then turned to me and said, "God bless," and left. I'm not going to preach here, because enough of that has already been done. But, I never liked religion shoved down my throat. Would you feel any differently if the Hitler youth made house calls. (they don't like witnesses either, because during WWII, Hitler gathered them up and gave them little triangles) Not only that, Jehovah Witnesses are notoriously closed minded. Their members are banned from serving in the military and accepting blood transfusions and those that challenge the "good word" will be guilty of "independent thinking."



They also believe in Armageddon. In fact, it's founding father, Charles Taze Russell, predicted that day would come in 1914. We're still here. Five more times, in 1918, 1925, 1941, 1975 and most recently in 1995, Witnesses predicted the end of the world. We're still here. In fact, in 1995, headlines proclaimed, "No Armageddon." They miscalculated. Gotta give'm credit, they never blame the faulty predictions on God, but their own miscalculations. I'm not sure when the next Armageddon will come, but you'd think after six attempts at this, they'd just give up. But they couldn't do that, because that would be "independent thinking."